It Begins Excerpt
Tuesday, October 29.
My long walk begins…
A reticent suggestion…a stumbling offer…a handshake agreement. Take what you get and make something of it—or not. It really doesn’t matter.
He says it’ll be therapeutic. I shrug silently. We’ll see.
To some my name has generous overtones of good humor and fun…most days humming and smiling. Divorced, with numerous, subsequent relationships, I will be recalled by others with bitter memories, betrayal, unfolding lies, and regret that the wrong one has survived.
My voice is describing an extraordinary life with occasional monumental highs and more than several years of exhausting lows, not unlike you have experienced. In between are passages of emotional, reflective observations, with a need—an imperative—to share what is thought and felt in that moment. Without voice, the results of these experiences, some endearing and heartfelt, others sullen and prickly, are muted, buried, still influencing many, if not most, aspects of one’s life.
After people have read some scribbles, they tell me, “You sound so angry,” and “Why don’t you just move on?” I argue I have indeed moved on and am at peace and enjoying the benefits of a rich and full-emotional storage tank. Does that mean feelings of anger are irrelevant and unforgiving or cannot be used for teaching a valuable lesson? Can one feel anger without being angry?
I believe so.