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Dear Grandchild – Compliance

Dear Grandchild,

Growing in maturity, and engaging with people different from yourself, you will come across those who work on a sphere of demands, declarations, and the insistence on compliance as their mode of getting their own way. Some, while not agreeing, may simply capitulate to their demands as an easier path of moving forward or avoiding further punishment and disapproval. Others fight back at every turn, always in what seems a death match – who is going to give in first – as if that were the standard of triumph.

How you respond to such people will be part of discovering your path, using the navigational tools that generate the best results in each circumstance. My word of encouragement to you is not about your response, but the recognition that compliance ought not to be confused with respect.

Snapping one’s fingers and getting the endorphin rush from seeing the kowtowing of others in compliance is not the same as respect. Compliance functions in the realm of fear.

“I fear you, thus I will comply with you.”

Respect functions in trust and love. You may not agree with their position or opinion, but as they have explained the rationale of their motives, solicited your input, you know you are heard and choose to follow – out of respect. You can respect someone because of their position. You can respect someone because of what they have accomplished. But the highest form of respect is when they do not demand your compliance in order to prove to themselves a false sense of authority and accomplishment, rather, we will walk this path together, in trust, and in some small way, admiration.

In dealing with others, the goal is not submission nor compliance as that fosters fear that can ferment into resentment and anger. They may do what you wish in the short term, but at some point, there will be a terrible price to pay. Working with others in love, compassion, and a desire for their success, will demonstrate a heart that is open to receiving the same.

Love does not find a false heart.

Go forward, grandchild, with my love and respect.

And always remember, you are never alone.

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